Poems & Short Stories

A little humor

to start your day

and

other thoughtful musings.

You can add suspense, thrillers, and adventure if you decide to explore one of the books.

POEMS & SHORT STORES by JESS LEVINS

LAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

By Jess Levins

Laughter is good for your health. Research data using irrefutable statistical analysis has proved it. People who laugh live longer and have healthier lives. However, the saying originated over a thousand years ago. A court jester was expected to make the king laugh and to laugh at the kings jokes. Of course, everyone was expected to laugh at the king’s jokes. Failure to do so, could result in loss of employment, or loss of all of your property, or in your death. Therefore, a thousand years ago, people did not have to rely on research and statistics, everyone knew without being told that: “Laughter is good for your health.”

So, even if the failure to laugh, no longer results in the loss of your life, laughter will still help you to live longer. Also, learning to laugh will help you through those days when there is nothing to laugh about.

GOD IS FEMALE

by Jess W. Levins

01-27-2021

Now I know some of you will disagree, but one of my former occupations was as an attorney and I can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that God is Female.

Fact 1: If God had been male; he would not have created male, female and all the other creation things that resulted in all the drama that females live for. No, if God had been male, he would simply have grabbed a sixpack, he would have propped his feet up and he would have enjoyed his solitude!

Fact 2: The snake was lonely and wanted to have an intelligent conversation and gave Eve the fruit from the tree of knowledge. If God had been male, he would have said: “Snake, you really screwed up, you know I wanted to keep my pet humans simple because now that they have intelligence, they will start wanting things like clothes and questioning my actions; they were happy being naked and now they want to make a fashion statement. Snake, if you promise to be good from now on, I will forgive you. Join me for a beer and we will talk about a fair and reasonable punishment.” However, God is female with an unbelievable temper. God the female said: “Snake, you really pissed me off; you will crawl on your belly for all of eternity. You and all your descendants until the end of time will be despised, hated, and killed on site.” Only a female can have that kind of temper.

Fact 3: If God were male, he would have said: “You can worship me when it is convenience, in the meantime let’s have a beer and shoot a game of pool. Don’t worry about keeping score, we will just relax and have a goodtime.” However, we know God is female because she said: “You will worship me, you will get on your knees and do not even thing about looking me in the eyes, if you displease me, I will send you to hell to burn for all of eternity. Do not piss me off!” Only a female can be that hung up about being worshiped.

I could go on all day. I have read the entire Bible, cover to cover, and if you simply replace “he” with “she” wherever God is mentioned in the Bible, then the whole Bible becomes more understandable and believable. Do not take may word for it, simply read the Bible.

I rest my case and the court should rule in my favor; no other verdict is remotely possible.

Yes, I have been told on numerous occasions that my sense of humor is outside the galactic norm, but what do you expect from a nerd.

Satan was an Optimist

by Jess Levins

I do not mean to upset the religious order or offend anyone’s religious beliefs, but you just need to understand that I have a peculiar sense of humor

Most of you remember when we had to read Paradise Lost by John Milton in high school and most of you probably remember Book 1 line 263 where Satan say:

“Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven”

Also, I am sure you Star Trek fans remember when the line was used in Star Trek The Wrath of Khan.

However the two lines in the poem that I like the best are lines 254 & 255

Where Satan says:

“The mind is its own place and in itself,

Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.”

You need to understand Satan had just been kicked out of heaven and now he is sitting in hell. Now, that is a petty significant change, but he looks around and says if you have the right outlook things are not that bad. Yes, it is a little warm, but it could be worst, I could be in Florida.

DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WEATHER

By Jess Levins

I was working outside yesterday, and I it was so hot. I was miserable and was tempted to complain, but then I remember a promise I made in 1977 and again in 1978. I was in the Midwest at the time. On the weekend of January 28 & 29, 1977 the temperature where I was staying dropped to a minus 10 degrees with a wind chill of a minus 30 degrees. Everyone was saying it cannot get any worse than this. Do not ever say that; the following year in January 1978 there was another blizzard and the wind-chill was a minus 50 degrees with hurricane velocity winds gusting to 110 miles per hour resulting in snow drifts of over 25 feet. Where I was staying condensation formed on the inside of the windows and froze leaving a layer of ice on the inside of the windows. I was told not to scrap off the ice because the ice was a warm 32 degrees. I was told to be thankful for the ice since it was serving as insulation and was keeping us warm. Have you ever been in a situation where you pray to God; get me out of this and I will be good. Well, I the promised I made was that I would never again complain about heat. Anyway, while considering the heat, I remembered the two lines of poetry. Then I looked around in the heat and said compared to 1977 and 1978, this is heaven.

Hell and Ice Water

by Jess Levins

When I was very young (i.e. a hundred years ago); I remember that any time I said that I wanted something my parents would respond that “People in hell want ice water”. As a child, I never understood that comment. If I was in hell I would be perfectly happy with tap water; it would not have to have ice in it.

ARGUING by Jess Levins

Talking to yourself is bad but arguing with yourself and losing the argument is worst!

A THOUGHT

A poem by Jess W. Levins

I stare in silence at

this white empty sheet.

A passing thought

have come and gone.

It contained all that

I wished to say.

Like the perfect dream

that upon waking,

cannot be remembered.

My search begins.

Note: This was a short poem

I wrote many years ago.

A GOOD DAY

A poem by Jess W. Levins

She moved to a modest home

To neighbors she would roam

She would walk the path

Around the lake and see

Her neighbors everyone

She bid good day to all

They bid a good day back

Except the neighbor Ted

That neighbor always said

What’s so good about this day

She would respond and smile

It is good because the sun

Is shining and feels so warm

Each day she would say

Good morning with a smile

But the neighbor always frowned

The neighbor always said

What’s so good about this day

The smiling girl would say

You can tell it is spring

Birds are singing with joy

A good reason to rejoice

When raining she would say

God is giving plants a drink

On a hot day she would say

The sun is warming our soul

On a cold and dreary day

The neighbor said she must

Admit it was a horrid day

But the smiling girl did say

The winter snow is soft

To drown out all the noise

Hear the silence oh so grand

It is a good day my neighbor

You’re happiness should say

On such a beautiful day

The neighbor so upset

A complaint he could not make

The smiling girl was cold

But happiness was hers

No complaint for this day

Her neighbor did not say

She prayed each and every day

For her neighbor to say

Something nice about the day

She prepared a daily note

For each day she did walk

Many pages she did have

A prayer to fill the book

With reasons for each day

The full year she would say

A gift from God each day

A reason why it was

Her daily walks were slowing

Her neighbor did not care

One day with sadness

Neighbor she did say

It is such a good day

For you are not dying

The neighbor said with rage

A morbid thing to say

The young smiling girl

Slowly walked away

The pain was worst each day

She continued with her prayer

No longer could she walk

Around the lake each day

Ted was no longer bothered

By the smiling girl each day

And no other neighbors

Disturbed his solitude

Until a young stranger

Walked the lonely path

To deliver such a gift

A daily diary full

A special note within

With all my love to Ted

A final hope from the dead

My wish for you to find

A gift for every day

The final lines did say

A wonderful day to you

The daughter you never knew

Note: This poem is about two people. A daughter locating and finding a father that was unaware he had a daughter. Both are in the same surroundings each day and perceive it differently. Some people only complain, and others find a reason to find something to be thankful for each day.

DIRTY POLITICS

by Jess W. Levins

Today it seems that every political candidate from both parties are only concerned about throwing dirt at their opponent and not about the issues that need to be addressed in the position that they are hoping to fill. It has now completely saturated every level of politics. In earlier times, such politicians that threw dirt at their opponents were referred to as being dirty politicians since they were becoming dirty from the dirt they were throwing. Dirt being defined as personal attacks not related to the issues. It used to be that a candidate using such tactics almost always lost. Today the media and individuals are assisting in throwing the dirt by reposting such items that are misleading or in many cases completely false. I have tried to respond to obviously false political postings by suppling factual information that is verifiable. It is interesting to note that not a single individual has taken down the false information. In every single case they simply reply with additional dirt that is unrelated to the first erroneous post. I was not expecting anyone to change their support for their candidate, but was simply hoping that they would address their candidate’s political viewpoints and cease re-throwing the dirt that has nothing to do with the issues. Today Facebook, Twitter and other media sites have thrown so much dirt and the visibility is so poor that you can no longer see the candidates.

Cleaning up America

by Jess Levins

When I was young there were no littering laws in Florida and people routinely threw their trash out of their cars resulting in a lot of litter along the roads and highways. It was not against the law at that time. I grew up on a farm and I am not going to say we were poor, but cash was in short supply. For you young readers that were given dozens of credit cards before becoming adults and make all of your purchases electronically; cash is what use to be used as a medium of exchange. But back to the story, I would walk along the dirt road from out home to the corner market. Corner markets were ultimately replaced by 7-11 and other minimarts. The walk involved picking up empty coke bottles. Now some of you might incorrectly think I was a good environmentalist cleaning up America one bottle at a time, but you would be wrong. I was an entrepreneur, a true business man. My goal was to pick up at least eight empty coke bottles and normally that was not a problem, but sometimes it did require a diligent effort on my part. I would gather the empty coke bottles as I walked to the small corner market. I would give the eight bottles to the cashier and receive sixteen cents. I would buy a coke for a dime, a snickers candy bar for a nickel and receive a penny in change. LIFE WAS GOOD!

STAR WATCHING

by Jess Levins

The stars in all their magnificence

Look down upon the insignificant

We look upon the past as we gaze

And wonder has someone also gazed

At the light from our sun ablaze

We both watch the light and know

The light we see is the past aglow

From a million years ago.

RAINDROPS

by Jess Levins

Earlier in the week

it rained really hard

for about an hour.

I was looking for my autistic son

and found him outside by the pool

in the hard rain

wearing his raincoat.

He was using a broom

to sweep the raindrops

into the pool.

A little humor

to start your day

and

other thoughtful musings.

You can add suspense, thrillers, and adventure if you decide to explore one of the books.

A NERD WITH A HERNIA

by Jess Levins

I had a doctor’s appointment today and as I was sitting in the waiting room, I remembered sitting in another waiting room in January 1991. I had been checked in at the front desk and I was sitting in the surgery waiting room. There was another person in the same room and after introductions, I found out we were both scheduled for a hernia operation. He was in his mid-thirties. Being a nerd, I always do a lot of research on just about everything, especially if it is something that is going to affect me personally.

I asked him: “What kind of hernia operation are you having?”

He replied: “What do you mean?

I then explained how there were three types of hernia operations.

I then said: “I am having the arthroscopic procedure, it is very high tech. They make two small half inch incisions, and they use a large computer monitor to minimize the invasiveness of the surgery.”

He stated: “My doctor never said there were different types of hernia surgeries.”

I asked: “Who is your surgeon?

He gave the name and I said: “Oh.”

“What do you mean by oh?”

I had reviewed all of the doctors at the center.

“Your doctor does not perform arthroscopic surgeries. I guess he is okay, I crossed him off my list, but I am fairly sure he will do a good job. He only performs the old fashion surgeries, and they are cheaper. They normally cut a six-inch opening or larger, depending on the damage; they pull the inner wall of your stomach together and stitch it up and then stitch up your outer skin layer. You are going to be off work for one to two weeks. Me, I will be back at work tomorrow. However, you will save money since the deductible on your insurance will be less.”

He was well dressed and seemed a little indignant: “I am not concerned about the money; I wish my doctor had told me about the different types of operations.”

I said: “Well do not worry about it. I wanted the high-tech procedure since I still like to participate in sports. I like to play tennis, golf and shoot a few hoops.”

For some reason, he seemed to be getting more upset and said: “I like to do those things.”

I continued: “You will be able to do those things in six to twelve months, but you will have to be careful since there is a chance you will just tear your stomach lining again and need another surgery. My banker has had three surgeries using the old method. Plus, in the standard surgery you are having, there will be greater blood loss since they cut you open like a pig.”

I know I should not have used the pig analogy, since I knew he was Jewish, but I just could not help myself.

A few minutes later, the nurse came into the room and called his name. She looked at me and I shook my head. She walked down the hall calling his name. She even checked the bathroom.

She came back and asked me if I knew where he was; I gave my patented innocent look and said: “I do not know, he was here a few minutes ago. I think he left; I am not sure why.”

PIGS ARE PIGS & MEN ARE MEN

By JESS LEVINS

THIS ONE IS FOR THE LADIES

But the men are free to respond

A number of years ago I had a young female relative who entered her pig in the Strawberry Festival in the Plant City Youth Auction competition. This was a big deal, since the swine lottery only allows 75 contestants, and their pigs are sold at rather high prices. On this particular year she explained how her pig misbehaved in front of the judges and lost points. The pigs are organically raised, and she had trained the pig to act properly, but even professionally trained pigs do not always follow their training. She was disappointed, but I told her that pigs are still pigs and her expectations may be a little too high. However, I explained that training a pig was good practice since when she was older and got married, she could use such training skills to train her future husband, but training a pig is probably a lot easier than training a husband. Even with the best training your husband may still embarrass you by belching or farting in public, but at the end of the day you need to remember that men are men so you have to forgive them and remember that your expectations may be a litter too high. Now, do not misquote me. I am not saying that men are pigs. I am simply using an analogy. Your man may fail to meet your lofty expectations, but he can still keep you warm on a cold night.

It is better to smile than frown.

I want to wish you a happy new year!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

by Jess Levins

I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Also, I hope everyone realizes that Christmas is not under the tree!

You know I cannot post anything without at least a few facts or thoughts. A lot of research has been made regarding the date of the birth of Jesus. Many believe great prophets were conceived into the afterlife on the same date they were conceived into the world. Therefore, they believe that Jesus was conceived and died on the cross on March 25 and was born, nine months after conception, on December 25, the day his birth is celebrated. Five supportable methods involving tremendous research have been used to estimate the date of the crucifixion of Jesus and his birth, but this time I will not provide the long version where other dates are possible.

I will simply say:

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

Chag Urim Sameach